Have you ever had experience a phenomenon that cannot be explained no matter how you tried to understand it? Are you familiar with the phrase ‘beyond one’s imagination or understanding’? If you have this some sort of experience that makes you feel that hair-raising/eerie or déjà vu feeling, please share through email message to merlinagp@gmail.com. It is my pleasure to post your experience in this Blog. Let the circle of sharing begins.
Mimi Mommy
Shared by Ma. Cecilia F. Alfonso for Team 'La Familia Longganisa'
Based on my own humble experience, I can really say that motherhood is one of the most, if not the, most fulfilling chapter of womanhood. I never really imagined myself as a mother or having a family of my own, not until I was “suddenly” drawn and drowned by love (Or lust… If I may say. Haha!). I just found myself planning a future and building a family, and marrying a man I just met but I felt like I have known for a lifetime.
To cut our long romantic-comedy short, we were then expecting our first child… A lovely baby girl. Only then did I truly realize how magical pregnancy was. I even consider it as a miracle for I had both my ovaries polycystic (with multiple small cysts) and was once told by my OB gynecologist that in my condition, I will find it hard to conceive and bear a child.
Although I first felt like I was at my prime during pregnancy, like I was some goddess of fertility, pregnancy soon had its toll on me and my overall condition. Other than the physical challenges and changes, I never really had any idea of all the mental and emotional prerequisites that you are required to go through. Pregnancy was such an emotional journey. I remember how overwhelmed I was as much as I was happy. I remember how much I looked forward to meeting my little one at the same time how dreaded I was of the mere idea of labor and delivery. Add to that all the pressure I was feeling for I never really cared for any infant before. I was at a point, doubting myself and my ability to become a good mother for my child.
Our most awaited moment has finally arrived. I was just scheduled for a usual check-up when my Doctor told me that she’s coming out early. I was not due then until two weeks more. That explains why I was already almost sleepless the nights before. I was like having very vivid dreams and nightmares in my short “sleep” and even up until when I was awake. I was not at ease and I was even more irritated. I was completely irrational and I would cry over the smallest of things. What’s worst??? It was as if I was seeing things even when I was wide awake… Hallucinations or something.
After an entire day and almost a whole night of labor, I was able to normally deliver our healthy and pretty baby girl at almost 12 midnight. A few years after, I can still clearly remember how it felt… The immense joys and pains of childbirth. The then in itself most tiresome and overwhelming and indeed life-threatening experience I had to go through in my lifetime was made even more challenging because of my firm conviction to purely breastfeed my child. I still cannot imagine how. I made it to recovery with all the sleepless nights and literal pressures and aches of breastfeeding. That was the darkest part of my journey as a new mom. I was so afraid to be left alone to care for my little one when every part of me was still aching. I remember how scared I really was that there were even times I was literally shaking... My hands, my legs, my whole body. I was so afraid to hold my own child. More than the physical, I was more afraid of what were in my head. I was paranoid. It was as if my imaginings were real. Well, at that time, they felt nothing more than real. I would picture that I myself would cause harm to my then baby. For a Mom, perhaps that is the worst feeling and the most terrifying thought.
But then again, just like everything in life, that was just a phase. Once we find our way through all of life’s challenges and changes, we will surely come out as better versions of ourselves. That is perhaps the greatest life lesson marriage and motherhood has taught me. The most fulfilling things in life are also the ones that terrify us the most. But at the end of the day, it is all worth it! Impossible but it happened to me!
To cut our long romantic-comedy short, we were then expecting our first child… A lovely baby girl. Only then did I truly realize how magical pregnancy was. I even consider it as a miracle for I had both my ovaries polycystic (with multiple small cysts) and was once told by my OB gynecologist that in my condition, I will find it hard to conceive and bear a child.
Although I first felt like I was at my prime during pregnancy, like I was some goddess of fertility, pregnancy soon had its toll on me and my overall condition. Other than the physical challenges and changes, I never really had any idea of all the mental and emotional prerequisites that you are required to go through. Pregnancy was such an emotional journey. I remember how overwhelmed I was as much as I was happy. I remember how much I looked forward to meeting my little one at the same time how dreaded I was of the mere idea of labor and delivery. Add to that all the pressure I was feeling for I never really cared for any infant before. I was at a point, doubting myself and my ability to become a good mother for my child.
Our most awaited moment has finally arrived. I was just scheduled for a usual check-up when my Doctor told me that she’s coming out early. I was not due then until two weeks more. That explains why I was already almost sleepless the nights before. I was like having very vivid dreams and nightmares in my short “sleep” and even up until when I was awake. I was not at ease and I was even more irritated. I was completely irrational and I would cry over the smallest of things. What’s worst??? It was as if I was seeing things even when I was wide awake… Hallucinations or something.
After an entire day and almost a whole night of labor, I was able to normally deliver our healthy and pretty baby girl at almost 12 midnight. A few years after, I can still clearly remember how it felt… The immense joys and pains of childbirth. The then in itself most tiresome and overwhelming and indeed life-threatening experience I had to go through in my lifetime was made even more challenging because of my firm conviction to purely breastfeed my child. I still cannot imagine how. I made it to recovery with all the sleepless nights and literal pressures and aches of breastfeeding. That was the darkest part of my journey as a new mom. I was so afraid to be left alone to care for my little one when every part of me was still aching. I remember how scared I really was that there were even times I was literally shaking... My hands, my legs, my whole body. I was so afraid to hold my own child. More than the physical, I was more afraid of what were in my head. I was paranoid. It was as if my imaginings were real. Well, at that time, they felt nothing more than real. I would picture that I myself would cause harm to my then baby. For a Mom, perhaps that is the worst feeling and the most terrifying thought.
But then again, just like everything in life, that was just a phase. Once we find our way through all of life’s challenges and changes, we will surely come out as better versions of ourselves. That is perhaps the greatest life lesson marriage and motherhood has taught me. The most fulfilling things in life are also the ones that terrify us the most. But at the end of the day, it is all worth it! Impossible but it happened to me!
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P. S.
I prefer to be called Mimi but my
now two-year-old Guia would insist on calling me Mom or Mommy (with British
accent)! J
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#KeepWriting
1 comments:
As a 6-months pregnant woman, this story makes me feel nervous but, at the same time, excited of having my own mini me! And it really is amazzing to feel the baby moving inside my tummy! #KeepWriting #motherhood
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